Daily Silly Status

Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?

If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!

I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.

I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.

I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.

Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.

Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead

You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!

"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something

You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down

I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.

This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.

Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....

“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.

I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.