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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.