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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
he who laughs last thinks slow
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.