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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.