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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.