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I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"