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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.