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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.