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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.