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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.