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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
I liked you better before we met.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
There`s no WE in pizza.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
You can`t be late until you show up
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.