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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
I have Beer.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!