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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!