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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.