Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.