Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.