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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.