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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M