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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".