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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
I only accept apologies in cash.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.