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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.