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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.