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It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.