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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Running behind is my cardio.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.