Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.