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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!