Daily Silly Status

Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.

Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.

I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store

Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?

The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.

I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.

A massage is just professional petting for humans.

I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.

Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.

I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?

Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.

So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.