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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC