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I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.