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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally