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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
My IQ? ... With google or without?