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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.