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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.