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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
i like boobs
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.