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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.