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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.