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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?