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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Little to no thought was put into this status.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"