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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
´s status message is better than yours
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.