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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.