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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?