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FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...