Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.