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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.