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I don`t care about your status...
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.