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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Soup of the day: Beer
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.