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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.