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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.