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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?