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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.