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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Warning: I just get weirder.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.