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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
People: What a bunch of bastards!
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.