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Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"