Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.