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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…