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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?