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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.