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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...