Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Will be drunk until further notice.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.