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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!