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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.