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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
My misery likes tequila, not company.