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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!