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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
never tell a lie...unless it is true