Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.