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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.