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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.