Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.