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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.