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Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them