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Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)