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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0