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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.