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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift