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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?