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Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)