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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
My tricks aren`t for kids.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"