Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Real friends show me their boobs
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.