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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I just threw up my weekend.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"