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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.