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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
What about a To-Don`t List?
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"