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I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?