Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."