Daily Silly Status

To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.

I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.

“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?

I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??

Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.

I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.

I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.

I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say

“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty

Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!

Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?

If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.

I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.

It must be exhausting being offended by everything.