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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
life is too short to match socks
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?