Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.