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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)