Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.