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I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)